Baby shower, shower.

I am very fond of the idea of having a baby shower. What could be better than to gather with your closest friends and enjoy an afternoon spend together indulging in appetizers, chit-chat and unwrapping gifts!

I would also much rather prefer to catch up with everyone before the baby is born instead of having dozens of people visit me at the hospital literally hours after I give birth- with all due respect, that’s exhausting.

My Cynthia is currently in charge of coordination all the baby shower arrangements which is still a long two months away (but it’s never too early to plan, right?).  So this weekend we ventured into Mothercare hoping to get some information on their registration process. I was counting on a procedure that went something along the lines of: a give them a list of everything I need from the store and they share it with whoever shops for my baby shower. Pretty straight forward, right?

The tragedy conversation went something like this:

Me: Umm, excuse me.

(Both employees behind the counter continue pricing/unwrapping/picking their nose).

Me: Excuse me, hello?

(Employees turn around with totally blank expressions on their faces).

Cynthia: Do you do registrations for baby showers?

(Blank expressions continue…)

Cynthia: Baby showers? You know, like we want to hold a baby shower and we can register gifts so that the guests can chose from a list of items and bring them to the party?

(Here employees’ eyes widen but nevertheless the blank expressions prevail).

UselessEmployee1: We have this. (Hands us a Feedback and Comments Form)

Me: No, no. Well you know, for a baby shower, I can chose some items and people can give them to me during the baby shower.

(A light bulb appears above the head of one of the employees)

UselessEmployee1: Aaaa… (scratches head)

(Exchanges confused glances with UselessEmployee2)

UselessEmployee2: Baby Shower? Shower? Ohh shower? Ok!!!

(Both employees attempt to lead us to the shampoo/sponge/cotton balls/bath lotion section).

Me and Cynthia: Nooooooooo!

Cynthia: Not this shower, a BABY SHOWER!

Me: Cynthia stop saying shower! That’s what’s confusing them!

Cynthia: IS THERE A MANAGER WE CAN TALK TO?

Bow. Applause. Encore! Encore!

It IS like brain surgery!

Miscarriage is still an extremely taboo subject in our society and age. Everyone seems to naively believe and convince themselves that it is not that big of a deal to have a baby. Whether planned or not…babies just “happen”. Well, I am here to burst your bubble people.

During the course of my pregnancy I learned of three different people who lost their babies during pregnancy. Over these short 20 weeks, 3 different people I know had heartbreaking, unsuccessful pregnancies. That is a scary a scary fact.

So I will probably unleash all my pregnancy hormones at the next person who tells me that pregnancy is not a sickness and having a baby isn’t exactly brain surgery. Coz it freaking is!

Within the span of the 40 weeks of pregnancy a woman can find herself facing all sorts of demons, from an ectopic pregnancy, to an infection or having a premature baby that doesn’t survive. So damn it, have a little more sensitively please! I’ve had people actually tell me “there is no reason you cannot do that, you are pregnant- not sick”.

Well, I hardly think that doing something while having the flue can mount up to carrying out the same task while your blood pressure is low, your lower back is screaming in agony, dizzy spells reoccur and you hyperventilate after walking for just 3 minutes!

I’ve had the most difficult time accepting that I am pregnant and allowing myself to be “happy” about it because I know that anything can happen along the way. When a friend with the exact same due date lost her baby at just 13 weeks, I was petrified. Alex kept telling me not to worry and that it will not happen to us, well I didn’t think my friends thought it would happen to them either?! It’s not something you even dare think about.

So dear insensitive bastards (you know who you are) show a little more compassion when you meet a pregnant lady. Offer to help her out, open a car door for her or even take over some tasks so that she can go and take a nap. If your mommy didn’t take care of herself and act like pregnancy IS a big deal…you probably wouldn’t be reading this now.

I am 170 years old

This could turn out to be a raving/raging post (yet again) about hospitals in Oman but because I currently lack the energy to be angry…I shall refrain from typing in CAPS and cursing after every second word.

A disclaimer: a first-time expectant mother will worry about every little thing that doesn’t “feel right”. She does not necessarily need to be in agonizing pain or in a life threatening situation to be rushed to the hospital. Sometimes a light fever and consecutive dizzy spells are all that’s needed to seek medical attention.

So there I am (at work-that’s where) on Wednesday morning when all of a sudden I begin to feel a little feverish and simply “off”.  I also had a few other symptoms that should solemnly remain between me and doctor so that half the world is not grossed out.  After fighting the sinking feeling that maybe this isn’t simple fatigue I caved and called a fellow doctor- who in turn told me to go to the nearest clinic and get checked out “just to be on the safe side”.

I seriously told my superior I will be back in an hour because I am going for a quick check up. (I should have said Inshallah at this point.) Alex picked me up and we went to the nearest clinic as suggested, the closest one being Al Raffah where I am currently registered. On my way there I kept on calling the operator to make sure there is a gyno there I could see. No one picked up. I called about 8 different times. Yes I had the right number- they just didn’t pick up!

As we stormed the lobby of Al Raffah hospital we soon came to learn that there was no gyno on call and my doctor would not be available until 6pm. Because…you know…doctors work in shifts.  Apparently it is perfectly acceptable not to have a doctor there for 6 hours at a time!!! They only had a GP- which would have helped if I had a bruise or maybe a sore throat…

Suppressing our anger we drove to the closest hospital from Al Raffah- Muscat Private Hospital. Again, I called them on the way there the operator picked up (Hooray??!!) but the line quickly died when she was transferring me to the “correct” department. Ugh.

I quickly felt like I was having the most surreal déjà vu of my life when we learned that they too did not have a gyno on call because “the entire department was attending a lecture and will only be back in a couple of hours”.  Now, please note that both of the above hospitals have DELIVERY WARDS and possibly women going into labor that very instant- but who gives a monkey’s I guess?

I began to feel quite anxious as by that point in time all sorts of nasty scenarios regarding the baby’s health ran through my mind. We did the only thing we could think of. We drove to Sultan Qaboos University Hospital.  FIY (if you aren’t local) that hospital is 45 minutes away. Make that 1h and 25 minutes when you are driving there at 2:30pm just as about everybody in Muscat is leaving work and heading home.

Keeping a long story short- we finally found ourselves registering at the Accidents and we Emergencies department of SQUH and they quickly send me to get my blood pressure and temp measured (both were high!). The nurse (an attentive young man) was however very reassuring and told me that he marked my file as urgent so that the Emergency department makes me their priority. An hour and a half later we are still sitting there. Alex is dying for some water. I keep pacing the waiting area (which is divided into male and female sections). I “borrowed” the chair the security guard was using, by the door, and sat on it with Alex standing responsibly by my side. We seriously watched dozens of people come in and leave, leave and come in again…and we were still waiting. They reassured me that this was unusual and the emergency gyno department was having a rather hard day with 3 women coming in with bleedings and what-nots. Now, had I been in any serious pain or god-forbid bleeding, I am fairly certain they would have seen me sooner.  About two hours into our waiting game we began to notice amusing details about the waiting room such as the “Welcome to the Accidents and Emergencies Department” poster- which Alex found hilarious and also the fact that my in-patient bracelet said that I am 170 years old. I thought about telling the doctor that my emergency is “old age” when she asks me what I am in there for.

But other than that when we were finally admitted the doctor was lovely, the nurses were lovely and their approach was absolutely relaxing. Although they did kick daddy out at some point as he was being overly anxious. They did a quick check up, a whole bunch of tests and a quick ultrasound to check the baby’s heartbeat and movements. Everything turned out to be ok at the end.

As we were leaving I received my registration card, neatly typed up to include my admission number, name and get this….”English People” in the nationality field. I laughed at this thinking that now I have a valid document to present to the British Embassy once I apply for my UK passport (because my hospital registration card says I am British- that’s why!). It wasn’t until we paid and received a receipt addressed to an Olga Mubarak (P.S that isn’t my actual last name) that I realized perhaps my dream of obtaining a UK passport might have to be abandoned due to my newly-acquired-obviously-Arab last name.

A little bit of humor can get you a long way.

I am busy being pregnant...

...at least I wish I could say that I was away from the blog because I was busy buying tiny pink outfits or drawing ponies on the nursery walls. But that wouldn't be true. It feels like I have no time to be pregnant these days. No, I understand that I am pregnant and the ever growing tummy is a huge (no pun intended) reminder of that but I just don't have the time to embrace it these days. Perhaps the most "pregnant" thing I do during the day is take my vitamins. Now Alex on the other hand was ready to put the baby bed up about two weeks ago. (Don't worry, he didn't).

I am working full time and I think that is to blame for the fact that I sometimes "forget" that I am pregnant. Colleagues are constantly nudging me to stop carrying things or to walk slower and after I give them a puzzled look they say "because you are pregnant, remember?". Of course I remember! Especially since the almost-daily-deadly migraines have invited themselves into my life! But those are a whole different rant.

I know that I need to slow down and enjoy this time as it is going by so unbelievably fast. We are half way there...we are just half way away from having a little one join our family. It feels like the weeks are flying by. Especially since I am at work pretty much from 8 to 6 everyday and I cannot seem to catch a break when I am home because something always needs doing (like dinner...because people need to eat!!!). Work has taken fancy to evening shifts the last two weeks so I end up going home at 9:30pm for the majority of the working week and only have enough energy to drag myself to the shower and consequently to my pillow.

This is meant to the phase when the baby is able to distinguish voices and sounds so parents are encouraged to speak to the child and begin reading bed time stories and etc. It bothers me somewhat that I cannot seem to find the time (or the energy) to do this as I simply cannot bring myself to take half an hour to "rest"!!! And the truth is, I am very tired. Not in the same way that I was tired during the first trimester when any energy I had was drained out of me and I could physically not manage the simplest tasks. Oh no. The energy is back now and better than ever. I am just pressed for time and a little preoccupied with everything going on at work...so absolutely no time to stop and smell the roses.

I have days when I stop and think that I absolutely cannot do this anymore - juggle work, being pregnant and running the house. Times like these, I begin to feel very sorry for myself and consider taking a few weeks off work or even hiring a housemaid to help me around the house more frequently. I have not even began thinking about maternity leave at this point. Everyone keeps asking if I plan to return to work immediately after the baby is born and the truth is...I have no "plan" yet. I am one of those strange people who immensely enjoy their job on a daily basis so leaving it all behind would literally break my heart. By no means do I underestimate how difficult it is to have a newborn and work full time- I just hope I can find my way around that somehow.

We will just have to wait and see.

Ramadan and me.

Last year I posted a modest explanation of how life changes around here in the holy month of Ramadan, please read it here. I thought it would be a good idea to shine some light on the traditional and cultural aspect of this month- especially for those reading this back home! This year is an altogether different story because I am pregnant, hormonal and hungry all the freaking time. So my routine has not really been effected by the fact that Muscat has succumbed to the sleepy, slow, quite days of fasting.

Luckily no one in my office fasts (well except one guy who is on his annual leave now) so I have not locked up my snack drawer that is filled with Oreos, almonds, waffles and crackers. I munch away the entire day. We haven't even moved the water cooler from the room because my Omani colleague said it does not phase him- even when he is fasting. So, we took his word for it.

I am however cautious not to eat or drink anything whilst I am outside (which actually isn't that often these days). This has proven to be difficult because my pregnant brain is always exploding with one stupid idea or the other, such as "Why don't you eat a tomatoe while driving from home to work?".

And as far as silly situations go, my oven ran out of gas while baking a few pizzas at home and had to resort to asking one of my neighbors if I could perhaps use his oven to finish dinner? Now if this happened in the afternoon I don't think my fasting/Egyptian neighbor would appreciate the smell of two gigantic pizzas bubbling away in his oven...and it would also be virtually impossible to get the gas service to deliver during the day in Ramadan.

Just this Friday me and Is This Serious were getting some much needed shopping therapy in City Center Seeb when we realized that we are frightfully thirsty. I also needed sugar. A chocolate of some kind. We ranted a little in one of the stores and an expat woman overheard us and offered her sympathy.  Except we couldn't eat it anywhere! As a last resort we bought the goods and headed....to the bathroom. I sat on one of the sinks devouring my Bounty and gulping down my Ice Tea. Seriously, it was sad. I felt a little sorry for my pregnant self. That should teach me stay home till 6pm from now on!

On a more pleasant note I was thrilled to find out that Oman Dive Center still serves beverages and food (not sure about alcohol!?). Alex decided to try out diving this weekend and I was a little worried about him getting a heat stroke or collapsing from dehydration- you know, because there is no food anywhere!!!! It turned out to be fine.

Oh and after we were done with the shopping I sat in my car and ate a freshly baked baguette with some cheese...luckily no one was around. Either way that sandwich was absolutely worth going to jail for.

Now I get it...(ugh!)

A few weeks ago, during one of my lowest most physically challenging battles with breakfast I decided to ground my child. In all seriousness I told Alex that our kid is not allowed to go to prom (16 years from now) because that is the punishment one gets for making mommy so sick.

I have begged, pleaded, negotiated and downright bribed this child already- and he/she is not even born yet. You see, life is somewhat difficult at the moment. The other day I had to blow dry my hair while lying down in bed because I just did not have the energy to sit up. Here is a little overview of things I can no longer do (although sometimes I really want to):

- Have a burger (meat and chicken are currently the root of all evil)
-Sit next to someone who is having a cup of coffee (nothing smells more disgusting than coffee)
-Have the said coffee
-Go into the kitchen. I am beginning to forget what my faucets look like.
-Take a nice long shower. See exhaustion above.
-Go into a supermarket. All the smells! The smells!!!
-Fit into my jeans. (That just makes me sad).

And that my dear friends, is just the tip of the iceberg. Sometimes I sit and wonder "what was I like before all the morning sickness?. Did I go out? I think so. Did I eat Burger King? Surely I did. Did I stay up past 9pm? Yes, I can recall that as well.

I have disappeared off the face of the planet for the last 6-7 weeks in particular. I kept on postponing coffee-dates with friends and politely refusing dinner invitations. Constantly saying "I am not feeling well" was getting too old. Now that my friends know they are a little more understanding of why I take more rain checks than there are days in the week.

So what happened to me? It is a scary thing-not being in control of your body. Pregnancy is so sugarcoated. "Oh it's marvelous, pregnant people glow". Ha! I am sure some sail through the first few months without as much as a zit or a wave of nausea. However, I am feeling the full impact of this "miracle".

But no matter how upset, sick or downright self-pitying I may sometimes get it helps to remind myself that it is all temporary and no amount of morning sickness is ever going to be "too much" because the outcome is just paramount.

I have gained newfound respect for mother everywhere. To go through these 9 months so completely selflessly whilst enduring all the ups and the downs and still being utterly in awe once the baby arrives.

That’s heroic if you ask me.

P.S Oh and please vote in the Boy/Girl poll. :)

How can we ignore you today?

28/06/11  *** UPDATE

It happened again today morning. I called them to get a number from a landline, the girl greeted me and said all her rehearsed lines smoothly, then played the number...in Arabic! I took a deep breath and called back, got a  different lady on the line and asked her kindly for the number and to please play it in English, so the machine went "The number you have requested is..." Then the line went dead. Seriously. I give up.

***

I know I promised not to write until a little later, but this reoccurring event is just getting to me and I feel like I need to get the word out.


1318.

The Omantel directory. The most pathetic excuse of helpful experts I have ever come across. They make my blood boil quite literally. A minute on the phone with this silly bunch and I reach the last straw. Uff. I am convinced they are actually monkeys that have been taught to answer the phone and sadly that is the chapter their training ended on. It was not always like that, no. A while back Omantel used actual people to answer the phones- but that must have been costly and/or unreliable so they have decided to hire jungle primates instead.

Every time I call them I get flashbacks of the movie “Planet of the Apes” and that makes me smile- right up until one of them speaks.

Maybe its just me. Maybe they are mocking me. Is it because I am woman? Or is it because I am an expat? I prefer to think that it’s only because they are actually chimpanzees.

My argument is simple- if real people worked at the 1318 phone directory, I would at least get the number I needed on the 4th or 5th attempt. Sounds quite reasonable, doesn’t it?

Their welcome line used to “Omantel Salam Aleikum” but now it pretty much amounts to “Omant…slmakm…”. I then proceed with my request for “City Cinema, Dhofar Insurance, Pizza Hut Delivery” or whatever the hell else. I am usually asked to repeat the name of the company at least 3 times until they find it in the system. This is where things get real interesting…

“Please write down the number and thank you for calling Omantel” they say. Then they play the number in any of the following variations:

-“24 05….line goes dead” (Am I supposed to guess the other digits?)

- Arabic equivalent of the number I requested. Seriously. Arabic.

-or they hang up on me

I often call back frustrated asking for the number of Company X again and begging and pleading for them to say the number back to me and not play it on the machine because I just cannot take the mockery anymore. Funny, yesterday I called them and got the number in Arabic again, so I called back thinking “Hey, maybe I sounded Arab to the nice man who picked up the phone”, but it happened again with a different guy. I called back and snapped. “Give me the number in ENGLISH not ARABIC I don’t speak ARABIC”. They have me close to tears half the time.

I dare you. Call them.

I am upset about…

1. The heat. The mind numbing-brain-melting heat. The other day I thought about skipping lunch because the thought of walking from the office to my parked car was a little unbearable. I am possibly exaggerating a little but I think the fact that I CANT TOUCH THE WHEEL OF MY CAR during the day is a sure indicator of the sun overdoing it. I tried going to the beach. Eating three scoops of Baskin Robins. Yet I have come to conclusion that I would prefer to take a nap until October.

2. Two butt-ugly cats that my building has adopted. These skinny, vicious looking animals are lounging around all day long waiting for one of the neighbors to bring over a saucer of milk or grilled chicken breast for their satisfaction! My neighbors must be out of their minds because they have actually resorted to feeding these invaders! Now, now. I am all for “feeding homeless animals” but these two fiends look like something hell threw up. I have never been a fan of Omani cats. They are not lovable and they are not affectionate. Half the time they are missing an eye or a tail. They freak me out. Every time I walk past them I am under the impression that the tougher looking one will jolt up and sink his huge white fangs into my ankles. They growl. I am pretty sure they growl.

3. The neighbor who bullies us. We lived in the same apartment for about two years now. Since the bike was stolen we resorted to a second vehicle, which is a norm around here. When we moved in the building was half empty, so we took the liberty of spray painting our flat number on the relevant parking space to ensure that we always have a spot under the shade. Ha ha. This gesture was rudely ignored by every Dick (and Harry..or however the saying goes). So I learned to live with that and we only park in the shade on a first-come-first-served basis now. Only when we have both of our cars parked there a grumpy neighbor blocks Alex’s car off with his and then endures being woken up at 6:30am with a pissed off Alex to move his car the fuck awaaaaay. This petty man ensures us that the shaded parking space is for 1 member of the family only. This happened twice so far. We refuse to adhere to any “rules” this man made up, because 1. He is not the landlord and 2. The next time he does that I will call the police on his annoying ass.

4. Dunkin Donuts at the 18th November petrol station. Just this morning the thought of having a doughnut for breakfast helped me get out of bed. En route to work I stopped by the Oman Oil petrol station to pick up a few snacks and breakfast only to be cautioned “don’t buy those doughnuts madam, they are very old”. The salesman must have recently been elected employee of the month. So here is an idea Captain Duh, take them out of the little pink Dunkin Donuts fridge until new ones arrive, coz a strawberry/chocolate donut still looks good no matter how old it is. (Yes I did buy it, but no I didn’t eat it).

5. The fact that we have still not been able to find an Omani employee for my mom’s store. Hence the store remains closed for the public. Of course we have interviewed about a dozen girls who all promised to “Call back tomorrow” or “Start on Saturday at 9am sharp” but they were never heard from again. What is going on? What pisses me off the most if that when the tale is told everyone rolls their eyes and says “Oh well, Omanis! What do you expect?” Damn it that is not an excuse and no that is not an Omani thing to do!!!! That irritates me! Can someone please prove them wrong already? The timing seems to be perfect as everyone is yelling right left and center about a lack of career opportunities and attractive jobs in the market. Well here is one! Grab it!

I am done ranting. At least for today.

Can we be friend?

Apparently I look like someone who is in dire need of some good new friends. Not a week goes by that I don't find strange and somewhat disturbing messages in my Facebook inbox from men who seem to believe that they have what it takes to befriend me. Mind you now, I would understand if my Facebook picture was provocative or even the least bit sexy. Maybe if I was doing the spread eagle in a skimpy bikini "Lonely Wolf" might have reason enough to send across a friend request. Most of the time my Facebook profile picture is either or me and my husband in a warm embrace- but "SexyMan2012" still thinks its ok to seek my everlasting friendship. I do occasionally allow myself to pass judgement on girls who's profile picture is around 80% breasts and 20% face- now they have no right to reject "Lonely Wolf" when he comes calling for them. At the moment I am actually holding a puppy and hugging my brother on my profile picture- that could be my child for all these freaks know! So dear weird stalkers. Quit it. I am not going to have an epiphany when I read your request to be "long time friend" as I have plenty of real, well-intentioned and mentally stable friends. Thank you very much.

Here are some of the most recent proposals I have received and my proposed answers.(Don't kill yourself laughing):

1. Al Yak****
hello Olga
how are u?
we can be friend?
thanx alot dear
Oh dear honey munchik sugar pie Al Yak***. Ofcourse we can be friend. We can even watch Kung Fu Panda this coming weekend. Or better yet, why don't we skip the whole "friendship" charade and rent a room for the weekend? Thanks a lot dear.

2. Ali ***

Hope life treat u good,,
I'm half Omani man :-).. I lived most of my life outside Oman,,,,i'm back now 2 Muscat.. I love everything beautiful in this life, accepting life in all its glory and despair., Live for Love and die for it... I like to enjoy every second of my life and make it the best moment if i could.. i'm single and looking for a place for my heart :-).
I would like to know u and hope if we can be in touch..
Yours
Gentleman
Dear Gentleman, thank you for your heartfelt revelations. I feel like I have known you all my life. It is a wonder that you are single, seeing that you accept life in all its glory in despair- I used to think a lot of women out there do the same. Since you are back 2 Muscat why don't I show you around the city? I could probably take a few days leave off work and we could go on excursions and beautiful coastline cruises...oh how I can't wait to be "in touch" with you! Yours truly, Gentlewoman.

3. Massager
hello how r u ...i am massager from muscat ,,,u want good massage pls send mail .after i will give my number
Dear Massager from muscat, thank you for extending your services. The available 5 star signature spas and beauty salons are just not up to my expectations, you know? Sometimes I seek an edge or a thrill! And next time I do- I will be sure to give you a call and you can gove me a good massage! I look forward to our next close encounter dear massager and I just know your business will prosper in muscat!


Now these are just the crème of the pie (or the pick of the litter) as I could not possibly bother to dig any deeper. I don't actually ever reply to messages like that as I don't want to spend even a second of my day on these weird, desperate, delusional people.
I would be happy write to tell them to Fkcu Off and ignoring them works just as well. Weird. Freaks.

What happened to meeting girls the old fashioned way?

I am hybernating

Once a very cheerful outgoing person I have now succumbed to the limitations of my sitting room and rely entirely on my husband and the internet to entertain me. I probably wouldn't even go outside if you paid me, not even at night. You see...it has become unbearably hot in Muscat over the last few weeks. To give you a better idea imagine yourself in a tight tracking suit, running a mere 5-7km with no water or refreshment and then entering a sauna where hot air blasts into your face chocking you with all its humidity and thickness. See what I mean?

The two minute walk from my apartment to the car leaves me gasping for breath and the fact that the AC in the car takes ages to cool down doesn't help me very much. Luckily I live only about 10 minutes away from my workplace and only have to put up with driving a "steam room on wheels" for a short while. I am contemplating giving up my lunch break all together, just so that I dont have to make the short journey home. Once I do get home, the husband and I pretty much flip a coin to determine who gets to do "outdoor" chores such as throwing the garbage or driving to the nearest store for groceries. Its pathetic.

The weather is pretty much all people talk about these days. "Did you see how hot it is?" No. Duh. I live under a rock and only crawl out in November when the temperature drops down to 25 degrees. Of course I know how hot it is. A well-wisher told me that his car thermometer showed 47 degrees during the day and only 41 in the evening. only.41.degrees.

Moreover I realize that this ridiculous weather pretty much sets my lifestyle for the summer. Probably up until late October. "Go to the beach and cool down" you must be thinking. Ha! The temperature of the water is 28 degrees! 28! I would rather swim in a bowl of soup-I am certain it will be colder than the sea water at this point.

When I was growing up here, it was mandatory to go on vacation for four long months while the weather caused excruciating pain to everyone who remained behind. Now that I am all grown up and must fulfill my work responsibilities I cannot possibly disappear off the map for an entire summer. I have made peace (ha!) with the fact that I must remain under the scorching sun throughout the next few months and hence I will probably resort to writing mind-numbing blog posts as I put my life on stand by and begin my routine summer hibernation.

Stay cool.

How to lose an employee in ten days…

We are all familiar with Conan Doyle’s masterpiece “How to make friends and influence people” and the spin offs that followed. The modern-day business sections of book stores are boasting with books promising to motivate, educate and retain the most effective employees.  No one seems to write books titled “The jerk’s guide to business ethics” or “101 ways to insult your staff”. Well businessmen out there- do not fear! I have put together a rough guide that can be used to piss off and ultimately lose your most productive and valued employees.

(Disclaimer: All quotes and incidents presented below are non-fictional and have actually been used by an employer to drive away hard working and talented staff. )

The following phases must be said in an intimidating and inferior manner:

Late in the evening after hours of overtime:
• “Why are your eyes so blood shot, are you on drugs?”
• “If you leave work right now, you can never come back”
• “Your legs look good in this skirt”

In an official meeting where minutes are taken:
• “That color of nail polish doesn’t match your clothes”
• “Please send me a rough draft of your menstrual cycle”
• “That rash on your face looks like an STD, you should have it checked”
• “I am like a tree, my branches can bend anyway they want”
• “The women in the company can get a day off for PMS every month”
• “Please bring up my cookies and a glass of milk”
• “Make my meetings and travel dates flexible, my mother might pass away next week”

During a moment of truth:
• “If you don’t lose weight your boyfriend will not want to have sex with you”
• “But what are you going to do if your husband dies tomorrow?”
• “Do you know any Russian women I could meet?”
• “If your husband is travelling for business he is probably cheating on you”
• “Why do you look so tired, did you have a lot of fun with your boyfriend last night?”
• “In a company we are one family, sometimes we will need to go to my house to finish work”
• “Do you have any single friends who can come to the concert with me?”
• “You forget everything! It’s probably because you have young children”
• “Your butterfly tattoo is a symbol of prostitution, clearly”

To an Omani employee:
• “I forbid you to wear a black headscarf- its depressing, the orange one is just more cheerful…you know?”
• “You are fined for not showing up to work the day it rained and all the roads in Mawaleh flooded making it impossible to come to Muscat, it doesn’t matter that you actually live in Mawaleh”
• “You are not allowed to lock the door when you are praying in the kitchen, what if I need a glass of water?”
• “You should shape your eyebrows or no one will marry you”

Should the above phrases not provide immediate results, try the following:
• Ask your employees to pick up your lunch during their lunch break
• Ask for apples/cookies/sandwiches to be given to you at a very specific time everyday
• Sneak up on female employees and make animal sounds
• Call your female employees after 10pm and scold them for not picking up the phone fast enough
• Refer to employees in the company as “the black one, the ugly one or the fat one”
• Freak your employees out by googling things like “Single European women travelling alone”
• Rub your enormous stomach and ask in a sexy voice if you have lost weight this week.
• Insist that employees cannot have two days off because you get bored during the weekends
• Lock your female employee out on purpose while she is on her smocking break (out of good intentions of course! Maybe she will quit!)
• Go into the toilet as soon as your employee is done to make sure they put the toilet seat down

Voila. Do you think these are bizarre? They may be but you have my word for it…they actually work!

Now you are ready to verbally assault and consequently drive away even the most resilient team! Go figure!

Just a little crazy

Have you ever questioned your mental state? Have you ever been utterly convinced that you may be headed for the loony bin? Have you ever felt neurotic or anxious? If you answered yes to any of these questions then maybe you can relate to what I am about to tell you.

A few days before we were due to leave to Dubai I realized I lost my driver’s license. I made plans to issue a new one with the ROP the next morning only to come home and find my license laying in another wallet- a wallet I haven’t used for over a month. I drove without a license for a month. Cursing myself for being a forgetful idiot, I put my license down on the dining table and ten minutes later I was looking for it again. I turned the house upside down and Alex was franticly helping me look for a license I had just a few minutes ago! I found it in the garbage bin. I threw it out together with some scrap paper and a telephone card wrapper when I was cleaning the dining table- except I don’t remember any of this. It was pure luck that I decided to check the dumpster and recover my driver’s license. Mumbling “I need a vacation” I shoved the license back into my wallet.

Fast-forward exactly 5 days.

Returning from our vacation rested and relaxed I went on with my days as usual. I went to work, came home, cooked dinner, watered the plans, watched TV, cleaned up the house and… threw out 100 rials (250USD). Into the garbage bin. Earlier that evening the money was safely enclosed in an envelope with good reason and apparently the envelope was in the way of what-ever-I-was-doing. The next morning all hell broke loose when I could not locate the money. Not bothering to check drawers, wallets or pockets I went straight for the garbage bin. And there it was under apple peels and cigarette buds-my cherished envelope. I would surely remember throwing out such a valuable item you say? Well, no I don’t remember any of it.

I told my parents, Alex and my closest friends about this incident. My mom told me to learn to put things away on the spot, my husband told me to NEVER EVER go near the garbage bin again and C told me to Google my illness. I must admit I now look twice at what I am throwing away but somehow I am convinced that I may require professional help and that this “feeding-the-garbage-bin-monster-my valuable-possessions” scheme are just the beginning of bigger things to come…

Any tips for the crazy lady?

Empower women...or not. Whatever.

To spotlight the much needed empowerment of women that The International Women's Day has triggered,I would like to share an article with you. Those of you who are familiar with the hell the experience I have gone through in my recent trip back to Uzbekistan, will not be shocked by the article below. However if you have not read my "I swear off prostitution" plea, please feel free to read it here. Although  I have signed the below mentioned documents, at the point my feelings were those of urgency and I wanted nothing more than to get out of Uzbekistan and come back home to Oman. I was ready to sign any paper they put in front of me out of sheer desperation. Did I feel offended that I was forced to even commit to such claims on paper? I definetly did.  Now that I read the fine print, I am furious and embarrased over these measures- surely there must be laws and ethics that are being violated here? Lo and behold the brillant measures Uzbekistan is currently taking to minimize prostitution. Apprarently "pinky promise" pretty much convinces the authorities!

Exports of prostitution from Uzbekistan, apparently got such momentum that the local authorities began to require all women aged 18-35 years intending to travel to countries with which the republic has set a visa regime, to give a written undertaking not to engage in prostitution abroad, and do not sell yourself into slavery. Told Fergana became known discouraged attendees from Tashkent OVIRov (service entry and exit, and registration of citizenship - VViOG, former visa department - a department of origin and registration. - Comm. Aut.).

Wanting to find out exactly how the document by the representative of authority, requiring such commitments, the conditions under which Uzbek women are now allowed to leave the sunny republic and that it is necessary to provide for permission to travel abroad, I appealed to the OVIR Yakkasaray district of Tashkent city, and visited the same regional division, where to go citizens of Uzbekistan who have permanent residence in the regions.
I was told that for women was the main is a special letter from her attorney, Kojima may be made by her husband or parents, who said that commit themselves to take and bring the citizen at home, and are also responsible for the appropriateness of its behavior for abroad.
"If a woman has no special invitation from relatives and friends of the country where it is going, and generally there are no invitations - for example, from a place of work, study, and so on - then it must be accompanied by a person. But all this is done formally, she did not have anybody pay for travel and forced to carry with them, they just take responsibility for it ", - explained the employee of the regional OVIR. - "Men and boys are not concerned, this measure only applies to women and girls and is associated with the fight against human trafficking and prostitution" - she added.
In the Local Police Department on a bulletin board where various pieces of legislation are posted, the corresponding decision or order is not, however, all preparing to exit the citizens were aware of this additional measure, introduced in early 2011. On my request to show the demanding obligations of the guarantors document service employee entry and exit have reacted very nervously, saying the order had been lowered from above, its author is unknown to them, and brought to their attention only verbal instructions manual. Perhaps, they suggest, the author is head of the Ministry of Internal Affairs of Uzbekistan, since the document refers to the fight against prostitution.
Sneak employees OVIR understandable: such legislation if it really exists, violates the 28 th article of the Constitution of Uzbekistan, which provides citizens the right to freely enter and exit from the country, that is - does not depend on instructions and orders of any state official.
Meanwhile, it emerged that such a rigid requirement applies, for the most part, women who are not registered in the capital, and in the region. Apparently, the capital of girls and women trust more - are not required to give bail, it is enough to write the most commitment to the following lines: "I, Name, Citizen of Uzbekistan, 19 .. year of birth, apprised of the situation by selling people into slavery and prostitution. Leaving the limits of their state, I undertake not to engage in prostitution, not to sell people and themselves into slavery. "
"Cloudy decree! Did he somehow stop these people? That prostitutes come to its senses and stop selling your body? Such measures need to be addressed differently: to publish articles in the media, conduct interviews in schools, after all, employ women. What do you think they are of a good life to work as prostitutes go? "- Commented on the situation one of the visitors OVIR.
Among the pending passport with stickers permissive entry, allowing for two years to go abroad, I met a few athletes, fighters. They said that faced with a similar ban for several years: "A couple of years ago our female coaches to fight in Thailand in the competition went to work as Visa and Registration Department did not issue them visas. The reason is not officially explained, but hinted that Thailand - the country with the development of sex tourism, and, supposedly, no one is sure whether they go there with good intentions or plan to make money with your body ".
One of our interviewees - a student of the Tashkent University - said in January this year, tried to leave for Dubai on a tourist visa, but could not get permission to travel. "Too faced with these problems. Filed an application, but a refusal. It was necessary to an invitation from relatives or friends. I had to do so. They say that in Muslim countries is off limits: go out of our country, they say, go only to the young prostitutes, and canoes, filling your luggage TVs, computers and other technology "- shared the girl.
With regard to the penalties that will apply to these imaginary or "guide" in the case of foreign Fall women - they are still not reported. Probably, "guarantors, the accompanying" better just to pretend that they know nothing, though, because otherwise they themselves could be accused of pimping or involvement in the sale of sexual slavery.
Number of people going abroad of citizens of Uzbekistan as guest workers is growing every year. It has already become a tradition in which young people who have reached the legal age, go to work in the Russian Federation, Kazakhstan and other countries where heavy physical labor demand and, by Uzbek standards, well paid. Hopelessness break morale, and the women in the absence of social protection often go to great lengths to feed themselves and their families, some deliberately go to work in the country with a developed sex industry. Those of young women who decide alone or with a girlfriend to go there to relax and see the beauty from thence, upon returning home at risk of being maintainability oblique views and gossip.
The fact that prostitution among people in Uzbekistan in recent years has received an unprecedented scale, suggests carefully skryvaemayakriminalnaya statistics according to which the article for "pimping and brothel organization" (Article 131 of the Penal Code) in 2007 there were 1.202 cases of convictions, and in 2008 -m - 1.316, an increase of 9.5 percent. Is convicted under this heading is many times greater than, for example, for: "Forcing a woman to marry or obstruction of marriage" (Article 136) - 37 cases in 2007, 41 in 2008, " Rape (st.118) - 321 and 365, "sexual intercourse with a person under 16 years" (Article 128) - 197 and 214, respectively.
Of course, this is just the tip of the iceberg. Staff members of airports in Uzbekistan regularly catch the young women who are serving alone or in little groups in Turkey, the United Arab Emirates, South Korea, Malaysia and Indonesia. This is confirmed by our interviewee from Yakasarayskogo OVIR: "We have a police department on the first floor, often whole colonies of girls are brought straight from the airport. Track there somehow, catch, but whether this method of struggle - it is difficult to judge. "
I should add that, according to Central Bank of Russia, in 2010 in Uzbekistan only from the Russian Federation was transferred 993 million dollars, in 2009 it amounted to 669 million. Obviously, the country's economy largely rests on the money sent by Uzbek migrant workers. What part of them earn decently, but some - no, we can only guess

www.fergananews.com

I would just like to add:

An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind

If I didn’t scout the news headlines and browse local blogs, I would probably have no idea that history is being made in Oman right this moment. Out and about all is as usual, the weekend has come and gone and another working week is now upon us. Many are holding their breath, eager to see what the next few days will bring. Muscat has witnessed peaceful demonstrations throughout last week. A rally was held opposite Majlis Al Shura headquarters a few days ago and then again just yesterday. The demonstrations were noted in all corners of Oman, from Salalah to Sohar, the latest reported today morning in Ibri. Muscat Daily reports that the teachers of Seeb schools have gone on strike with the aim of bringing attention to the much needed reforms in the educational system of The Sultanate. Their demands also include shortening the school day for students, which currently ends at 1:45pm. The Ministry of Education has already met with many of the teachers on strike to attempt to establish better communication channels.

Sohar on the other hand has seen a pleasant turn of events, the city is now calm and peace prevails. The protestors arrested due to violent clashes earlier have now been released and no further outbreaks of hooliganism have occurred. I have seen very gruesome images of burning buildings, trucks and vandalized property- images that did not register with me those that could have occurred in Oman. On Tuesday the 1st of March I was also witness to numerous cars decorated with Omani flags and his Majesty’s images patrolling the Shatti area with their hazard lights on, honking as they made their way through the traffic.

Today morning Times of Oman carried an article that nicely outlines the main demands of the nations:

Protestors in Muscat are demanding:

• -Political reforms
• -Change in the constitution
• -Greater transparency and accountability

Protestors in Sohar and other towns want:

• More jobs
• Higher Pay
• Free housing for the poor
• Marriage funds to help young people get married

Flipping through the local newspapers one can come across THOUSANDS of jobs being advertised. The Renaissance Group has announced vacancies for waiters, cleaners, laundry men and etc. Likewise, The Zubair Group has advertised 1,300 vacancies in various sections in response to His Majesty’s promise of establishing 50,000 jobs for job seekers in the Sultanate. ROP has announced jobs for 10,000 citizens, some will be trained prior to joining the forces whilst others will be allocated to the promised 15,000 vacancies within the private sector.

It seems as though the whole country is deeply moved by His Majesty’s assertiveness and the desire to fulfill the demands of his people. Never before have measures been taken so swiftly and effectively to unite a nation by their leader. I can only wish for others to follow in these footsteps.

Muscat caught in the whirlwind

As of 4 pm this afternoon protestors have gathered in front of Majlis A Shura which is located in front of Muscat International Airport, just 15 minutes from the city center, and only 10 minutes from where I live. These are meant to be peaceful and are due to be in support for the government and against the protests that are happening in Sohar right this instant.

Bad news travels fast and the story has currently reached http://www.google.com/ig and CNN has also carried a very blunt report on the subject.

The highway to Sohar where demonstrations rage has been closed off making it impossible to get in or out by road. Dozens of cars and trucks remain trapped and as a result (see images below) are being violated. Earlier this morning we heard that Bank Muscat in Sohar has also been set on fire and ATM machines have been vandalized. I cannot confirm this right now, but the source is very trusted.

HM Sultan Qaboos is due to give a speech today at 7pm and we are all holding are breath for it. Local newspapers are reporting that up to 8 people have died in the clashes in Sohar and over 50 are currently injured.

Muscat Mutterings is constantly updating on the situation here.

However, I must stress that it remains peaceful in Muscat and we are safe.

A summary of events in Sohar

Since rumors are circulating at large in Muscat it is somewhat difficult to get the facts straight. Some are saying that protests are due to begin in Muscat and in Nizwa today, others are reporting that the riots have already died down. To be on the safe side I convinced the husband to get some extra grocery shopping done yesterday, to stock up on water and other essentials. It bothers me that a supermarket in Sohar has been targeted so I am making it a point to be safe rather than sorry. Everyone I know has also filled up the tanks of their car as usually in times of a crisis the jams at the petrol stations are a few kilometers long. I must add that so far everything is calm, we are going about our day as usual. What is unusual however are the front page news today of Muscat Daily and Times of Oman, showing gruesome images of enraged crowds and black smoke rising from all directions. Muscat Daily reports that a spokesman of Oman Police confirmed that there were two dead and 35 injured during the day. There are over 56 trucks and dozens of other vehicles trapped at roundabouts unable to get through due to the demonstrations. Tear gas was used by the police in an attempt to break up the crowd who in turn retaliated with rocks.

The spokesman also added that two ROP cars were destroyed by the rioters, but the eyewitnesses place the numbers much higher. His Majesty Sultan Qaboos bin Said has issued the following directives today:

• Sayyid Ali bin Hamoud al Busaidi, Minister of the Diwan of the Royal Court to move to Sohar to meet the protesters and listen to their demands
• The formation of a ministerial committee under the chairmanship of the Minister of the Diwan of the Royal Court to come up with suggestions to enhance the jurisdiction of the Shura Court
• Steps to be taken to enhance the role of the State Financial Audit with the inclusion of State Council members to reveal malpractices if any, in the administrative apparatus
• A monthly grant of RO150 each for Omani jobseekers registered with the Ministry of Manpower until they find jobs
• A number of ministers are to be appointed from the Majlis A'Shura starting from the next term
• 50,000 Omani citizens to be given employment (ONA)

It is indeed a shame that what just recently were peaceful demonstrations have turned into ugly protests involving violence, destruction of private and public property and worst of all- death.My Omani colleagues are greatly bothered by the events taking place in the interiors as many have families located there and commute there frequently.

I sincerely hope that the steps the government is taking will be sufficient to calm the crowd. I must stress the point that no one is calling for HM to step down- his people love him extensively and support the measures he is taking to promote peace within the Sultanate.

For additional posts on these events please refer to Muscat Mutterings, Dhofar Gucci and Hallucinations of a Kitten.

***Updates:
-It appears that the Lulu Hypermarket near the Globe roundabout has been burnt down by protestors. Alongside numerous vehicles, the house of the governor, the police station and other properties. Ya, because nothing says "peaceful change" like a bonfire.
As of now, the Lulu Hypermarket in Muscat has been shut down since yesterday evening.

Pictures taken from a local forum.

Friends back home-please do not worry, we are all safe here in Muscat.

Demonstrations in Sohar

Just as we have feared we are experiencing some turbulence that echoed back from the recent events of Egypt, Bahrain, Yemen and Libya.

There are reports of gatherings and demonstrations in Sohar, which is about 2 hours away from Muscat. It is deeply innerving to be so information deprived as unfortunately the local newspapers have not covered these events extensively. For the time being we are safe. Work is going on as usual and so is life in the city. However everyone is showing great concern over what is happening in Sohar and jokes are being muttered around the office about “going home to pack”. Unfortunately it has been confirmed that at least 2 persons have been killed and about 12 heavily injured.

The mishaps have already been picked up by BBC, German media and Al Jazeera. Local updates can be found on the website of Muscat Mutterings, Dhofar Gucci and Muscat Daily.

Here are a few quotes picked out from various sources covering the events of the last two days:

“A crowd of 500 protesters, demanding democracy and jobs, gathered on Saturday outside a shopping mall in the city of Sohar, barricading vehicles and shoppers.” (Al Jazeera)

"They are at the Globe roundabout blocking traffic." (Al Jazeera)

“My relative are leaving near Sohar r/a & they have heard gunshots & helicopters petroling.

We have heard that some protesters have broken into lulu Hyper (Sohar) & steal some goods & broke the entrance.” (Oman Forum)

“Protesters demanding higher wages, more jobs and an end to corruption disrupted traffic in Salalah and Sohar on Saturday.In Salalah, protesters staged a ‘sitin’ in front of the Minister of State and Governor of Dhofar's Office, setting up three tents and covering the gates of the office with banners that had their demands on them.” (Muscat Daily)

Quite frankly I am a little freaked out and contemplating further means of action.

If you have any updates please feel free to share.

Because we all have moments like these:

Huge support and strange coincidences

First of all I would like to express my gratitude to Muscat Mutterings and English Girl in Oman for re-posting news about our stolen Honda. They have picked up the story exceptionally fast and hopefully with their help a lot more people will become aware of this barbarous deed.

Being the firm believer in Social Media that I am, I have created a group on Facebook called "Help Find The Stolen Honda XR 650", please feel free to join, support and spread the word.

Meanwhile, Muscat Daily is working on a story to shade some light unto this matter for the public to nibble on sometime this week. We are ever so grateful for their support.

This morning Alex went to the police station yet again and they have claimed that they will be actively searching for the vehicle. We are waiting to receive a copy of the report that they filed so that we can arrange all our insurance documentation.

Here is some food for thought...today morning a colleague showed me this site:

http://avb.s-oman.net/showthread.php?t=1052682

It features a stolen bike which to the untrained eye will appear to be our Honda. But since I know my bikes, I spotted that it was a different model. However, they are both off-road bikes of similar capacities. From what I understood this bike was stolen earlier this year from Mawaleh- why the sudden interest in motocross bikes? Does this only seem strange to me? It's too much of a coincidence. See below:

The bike stolen in Mawaleh earlier this year.

Our Honda XR 650 L

Let's play spot the differences.

No updates on the Honda (yet)

Although we spend the entire morning at the police station yesterday, and the entire afternoon putting up notices around the area and in all Al Fair's and Sultan Center's of Muscat- we have not heard anything on the whereabouts of our bike yet.

I am trying to spread the word to local media, hopefully the likes of Muscat Daily and Y magazine will extend their support in publishing the story of the theft. I have also contacted the Women's Guild in Oman to see if they could include the notice in their daily newspaper that gets sent to about 1,000 people.

With the help of friends I translated the notice into Arabic and we spent yesterday evening driving around petrol stations and coffee shops in the area and handing out fliers. I must say that the locals have been very supportive, they seem embarresed and shocked at the happenings. 

Alex is truly stunned, he is very detached and quite for the past 24hrs. We both agree that it has little to do with the loss as such, the bike is after all insured, but it is about the principal of someone barging into our lives and deciding that something we worked for so very hard- will now become theirs. It infuriates me to think that someone believes that they have the right to help them to other people's property.

If, or when the bike is found- we will make sure they get what they deserve. I may be naive, but I believe that ROP has what it takes to nail these f&!kers. Meanwhile, if anyone knows any places that might sell parts/used vehicles, please let me know- as we are quite eager to check every single option out. A friend suggested we try looking in Nizwa- but where exactly?

The funny thing is...you have to be an advanced technicial to start up this Honda without the key...makes one wonder how many low criminals have those kinds of abilities?

Keep us in your prayers....