Apparently I look like someone who is in dire need of some good new friends. Not a week goes by that I don't find strange and somewhat disturbing messages in my Facebook inbox from men who seem to believe that they have what it takes to befriend me. Mind you now, I would understand if my Facebook picture was provocative or even the least bit sexy. Maybe if I was doing the spread eagle in a skimpy bikini "Lonely Wolf" might have reason enough to send across a friend request. Most of the time my Facebook profile picture is either or me and my husband in a warm embrace- but "SexyMan2012" still thinks its ok to seek my everlasting friendship. I do occasionally allow myself to pass judgement on girls who's profile picture is around 80% breasts and 20% face- now they have no right to reject "Lonely Wolf" when he comes calling for them. At the moment I am actually holding a puppy and hugging my brother on my profile picture- that could be my child for all these freaks know! So dear weird stalkers. Quit it. I am not going to have an epiphany when I read your request to be "long time friend" as I have plenty of real, well-intentioned and mentally stable friends. Thank you very much.
Here are some of the most recent proposals I have received and my proposed answers.(Don't kill yourself laughing):
1. Al Yak****
hello Olga
how are u?
we can be friend?
thanx alot dear
Oh dear honey munchik sugar pie Al Yak***. Ofcourse we can be friend. We can even watch Kung Fu Panda this coming weekend. Or better yet, why don't we skip the whole "friendship" charade and rent a room for the weekend? Thanks a lot dear.
2. Ali ***
Hope life treat u good,,
I'm half Omani man :-).. I lived most of my life outside Oman,,,,i'm back now 2 Muscat.. I love everything beautiful in this life, accepting life in all its glory and despair., Live for Love and die for it... I like to enjoy every second of my life and make it the best moment if i could.. i'm single and looking for a place for my heart :-).
I would like to know u and hope if we can be in touch..
Yours
Gentleman
Dear Gentleman, thank you for your heartfelt revelations. I feel like I have known you all my life. It is a wonder that you are single, seeing that you accept life in all its glory in despair- I used to think a lot of women out there do the same. Since you are back 2 Muscat why don't I show you around the city? I could probably take a few days leave off work and we could go on excursions and beautiful coastline cruises...oh how I can't wait to be "in touch" with you! Yours truly, Gentlewoman.
3. Massager
hello how r u ...i am massager from muscat ,,,u want good massage pls send mail .after i will give my number
Dear Massager from muscat, thank you for extending your services. The available 5 star signature spas and beauty salons are just not up to my expectations, you know? Sometimes I seek an edge or a thrill! And next time I do- I will be sure to give you a call and you can gove me a good massage! I look forward to our next close encounter dear massager and I just know your business will prosper in muscat!
Now these are just the crème of the pie (or the pick of the litter) as I could not possibly bother to dig any deeper. I don't actually ever reply to messages like that as I don't want to spend even a second of my day on these weird, desperate, delusional people.
I would be happy write to tell them to Fkcu Off and ignoring them works just as well. Weird. Freaks.
What happened to meeting girls the old fashioned way?
Great post, Sweetie! It really made me laugh out loud after long day, which is about to finish. (Thank God!). People are weird, but thank to them and your ahamazing-smartypants-comments made people laugh. I think it's a good reason to have weirdos like that in our lives! :))))
ReplyDeleteReally funny, but then again, I ignore these random and strange messages. I bet they have no life whatsoever that they copy/paste the same thing to everyone they follow.
ReplyDeletelol, my wife gets these all the time as well. She collects them, we currently have a competition of who has the most total strangers trying to befriend them on the book. I am lagging behind with only 13 requests, whereas she's surging on to nearly 30 now.
ReplyDeleteSome of the messages are just fantastic - your face is like the ocean in moonlight... angelic.
haha
comedy gold!
:)
I must be doing something wrong with the profile picture, I barely got a handful. Not sure whether it's the hairy male look or maybe I'm just a bit ugly? Still, my grandmother loves me.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, great post! I will explore further...
TLS
P.S. Thanks for your comments over at mine - you're too kind. :)
I have 185 pending friend requests from strange males ........
ReplyDeleteOOOOH!!! I got #2, VERBATIM a few months ago!
ReplyDeletei'm facing the same issue... yet most of the messages are copy/paste
ReplyDeleteOu I am dissapointed that its a copy and paste thing, now I dont feel so special :(
ReplyDelete@Susan- wow 185! If this was highschool you would be so popular :)
@EveryoneElseWhoCommented- thanks for the comments guys, I know its a common issue- but I still find it hard to believe that someone would waste their time on something so silly!
LOOOOOL!!! did you really reply them like that??? looooooool
ReplyDeleteand Ali has been sending this message for as far as i can remmeber!! i can honeslty say for 5 years now and he is still single and going strong!!!!