Tuesday, January 04, 2011

This time…everything in moderation

In exactly 6 days time, I will be lying belly up on my grandmother’s sofa, indulging in pleasant nonsense of yet another novel and humming “ I am wicked and I am lazy”. That’s right folks. I am headed home.  This isn’t however a vacation that has been carefully planned and budgeted for. (That doesn’t sound like me, does it?). About three weeks ago, it dawned on me that my external visa is expiring in January, and I urgently need to head back to Uzbekistan to have it renewed. Lo and behold, the irrational, inconvenient to say the least, bureaucratically bound laws of Uzbekistan. We, citizens of this humorous land must acquire permission to LEAVE the country. It’s a little nuisance of a sticker that is valid for two years and must get renewed consequently after. Otherwise as it says in big fat bold English (!!!) letters “the passport is not valid for visiting any country of the word”.  I might also run into trouble when trying to enter the country with an expired external visa- hence it is just less hassle to go and sort it out immediately.
At first I did not love the thought of leaving for 10 days- it felt like I was being snatched from normality and thrown headfirst into a pile of icy cold surrealism. The idea has however grown on me and I am welcoming the opportunity to go back home and see the family yet again, this time under calmer circumstances. When we last visited in August 2010, the mere 16 days have turned into a remake of Lemony Snicket's : A Series of Unfortunate Events.  It was the vacation that will forever be remembered as “ A family reunion, a wedding and a funeral” . This time around I would be most grateful for a dull, uninspiring, conservative visit back home. Nothing has to happen for all I care- I just want to be there. I look forward to going for long walks, visiting my university, having heartwarming conversations with my grandmother, seeing my closest friends and godson and indulging in national cuisine. As they say a traveler seeks adventures and welcomes thrills, a tourist merely goes sightseeing. Well, this time I am the tourist.
As long as I survive the flight back all else is expected to go smoothly. I tend to lose my patience with the local Uzbek airlines and I insist that if any of you ever travel to Uzbekistan- fly via Turkish airlines. That way you will not gain a negative impression of the country- before you even land. However, if arrogant stewardesses, questionable food and rattling planes are your piece of pie you are welcome onboard of Uzbekistan Airlines! (They should hire me as Marketing Director, don’t you reckon?)
Air stewardess: “Lunch?”

Husband: “Yes please, what are my choices?”
Air stewardess: “Well, we have chicken…and…chicken”


Here I must however mention that if it wasn’t for the convenience and the helpful lady working in the representative office in Dubai- I would be walking to Uzbekistan next week! An atrocious travel expectation aside all else looks promising in Cotton Land.


I have recruited an army of thermal clothing, purchased kick ass boots and a majestic amount of Omani dates to take back home. I plan to sleep, read, eat and do absolutely nothing else. At least, that is the initial plan…watch this space…

5 comments:

  1. Sounds like my perfect vacation.... enjoy the nothing!

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  2. Exactly, Sweetie! Since such nonsense is only in Uzbekistan, the only authorities that EVER EVER check that thing are from Uzbekistan. Even here Embassy of Uzbekistan didn't give a damn about it when I needed to acquire documents from them. Just another reason for our Govt to extract some money from its citizens. :)

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  3. Don’t get me started on Uzbekistan airways….

    The fist time I flew alone to Uzbekistan, we decided to pay some extra money and get a first class ticket since I would be escorted out and they would help me with customs (since I don’t speak Russian). That’s where my journey from hell began.

    My stopover was in Sharjah, where I asked the duty free if I have a limit for alcohol traveling to Uzbekistan. The lady said nooo no problem. So I loaded on (a lot) of alcohol thinking it’s fine, I will put the bag on my carry on and drag it around.
    As I was checking in, here is how the convo went:

    Guy: no. you have 2 bags, you are only allowed 1. we put this in luggage
    Me: no…. because this isn’t my OWN BAG. The duty free gave me a free bag instead of a plastic freakin bag!!
    Guy: you are not allowed to have 2 bags on the airplane.
    Me: is there a guarantee that my carry on will reach?
    Guy: no, no guarantee
    Me: what do you mean?! Are you telling me you might lose my bag?
    Guy: no problem. What is in the bag? Maybe it will reach safely, maybe it gets lost, this is last minute you know…
    Me: I KNOW this is last minute, that’s why I want to take it with me to the airplane!

    When I got to the airplane, turns out by first class they meant first row (one with the leg space). I kept telling them that I am supposed to be IN THE FIRST CLASS. I PAID FOR THAT. MIGHT AS WELL SIT AT THE RIGHT PLACE. They totally ignored me.

    At the end, when I landed, I asked them if someone can help me with my (alcohol filled) bag, everyone pretended they don’t speak English and carried on their work as if I don’t even exist.

    It was a horrible experience. I don’t actually understand why they are that mean and unfriendly. Uzbekistan is one of the most hospitable countries in the world, people help you out and welcome you wherever you are… it’s too bad you get the wrong impression while landing!

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  4. Oh Cynt, that isnt the only bad experience you or I had with the airlines! They are absolute snobs on it! Without reason too! Alex said that the ticket costs approximately what he paid when flying Qatar Airways to Moscow, but there he was treated like royalty- comfortable seats, polite service, amazing food, good movies. In Uzbekistan airways they dont even give you a freaking pillow if you ask for one!!! The airconditioning only gets turned on half an hour after take off, and the entire place STINKS.

    Ugh. Ok enough ranting. Or they might not let me on the flight on Monday...

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  5. Sythe: I have a gut feeling this peaceful vacation I am dreaming about will turn out to be another episode of unfortunate events...

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